


Memories in Blue

by Drachenfliege



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Explicit content in later chapters, Iron Man movies - Freeform, M/M, Mind Control, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, brief mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-08
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-20 15:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drachenfliege/pseuds/Drachenfliege
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Loki's interest in the Tesseract arose earlier in time? What if it was a whole 40 years earlier? How convenient that all he has to do is to get it from the hands of Howard Stark. It would be simple really. But when Loki meets young Tony he has an even better idea and a deal is formed. A deal that will change the course of history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and don't earn any money with this story (sadly)

It was another day of excitement and sadness in the life of Howard Stark.

The sun had already set a long time ago when he finally returned to his home, the keys tinkling softly as he opened the door. When he stepped inside there was only silence to greet him, no welcoming voices, no laughter. But that was the life he had chosen.

He dropped the keys and reactivated the alarm system in a flurry of numbers, his thoughts again straying to the happenings of the day. Gosh… He desperately needed a drink. Needed to sort his mind and deal with those emotions and memories whirling inside of him.

In their quest of finding America's icon, the soldier, the friend, they had come upon a relict they had not even dared to imagine finding. The Tesseract, glowing eerily at the bottom of the ocean. The Tesseract, the device that had led Hydra to greatness and installed fear in their enemies. Fear of their red skulled general and fear of the power that he had held in his hands and that had destroyed him in the end. And now it was finally in the grasp of Stark Industries.

The possibilities that opened themselves up to Howard made him dizzy and his hands twitch in anticipation.

And yet, the excitement was dulled when his thoughts drifted to the young and promising man that had still not been found but he had not yet given up.

He dreaded having to pass the news to Peggy, to see her brown eyes flood with sadness as the man she had loved would still not return to her.

Steve Rogers was more and more becoming a distant memory in the minds of the people that knew him and searched for him. Uncertainty of whether they were actually looking for the man or the body rising up and while they lay awake at night they felt that their hope was dwindling. He would not give up though. He would continue his search, not for Captain America, but for the kid from Brooklyn that would have done the same for him and anyone.

He sighed as he entered the living room of his mansion, already feeling another headache coming up and craving the scotch to drown the pain, both physical and mental.

His wife and son were probably already asleep like any other night and even though it bothered him that another day had passed without seeing them, he just could not find it in him to change himself. The less they knew of his problems, the better. He was an engineer and director of Stark Industries first and a father and husband second, and he knew that the shadows of the war and the constant search for the Captain weighted heavily on the whole family.

His hand reached for the familiar bottle only to stop midway when he finally registered that he was not alone. His breathing stuttered and he whirled around. His thoughts racing as he rattled off the possibilities in his head: burglar, terrorist, kidnapper… only to come to a stop when his eyes finally fell on the person, negating all of his previous assumptions.

"How did you get in and what do you want?" he asked, his voice firm and echoing in the large room. This wasn't the first time someone sought out Howard or kidnapped his child in order to achieve some gain, be it weapons, blueprints or money.

"Please, as if I would want something so simple and… human" the voice was more of a drawl, layered with amusement as the words left the other man's smirking lips, speaking Howard's thoughts.

The other man took a step closer, the light that reached him illuminating his presence. Tall, at least six feet, and lean. Clad in black and green fabric that looked like leather and yet had a quality to it that made it unlike anything Howard had seen before. What Howard had first thought to be a weapon was actually a kind of staff, clutched firmly in the other's pale hand. And even though he had seen his fair share of weapons, this staff somehow seemed much more deadly.

The other man seemed to be at ease with his surrounding, his presence overshadowing everything of interest in the room, easily demanding attention without any effort.

"It is as simple as that. You have something in your possession that I desire to call my own, recently arrived actually. You'll hand it over to me or you will die." The smile never left those lips as the man took another step closer to Howard, raising the staff in his hand.

Understanding dawned upon him. "The Tesseract." he whispered. How was it possible? No one but his team knew that it had been found and they would never betray him.

"Are you Hydra? Do you want to continue the legacy of the red skull?" he asked as he involuntary took a step backwards. He knew if the Tesseract came into the wrong hands then everything would be the same as before. The war, the fear, the killing and the dying.

"My plans are none of your concern, mortal." The black haired and green eyed man sneered. "But if you continue to be that uncooperative than I have no choice but to take it by force."

The staff began to glow, lightening up the room even further and Howard knew with certainty that this was going to be his end.

"NO!" a light voice pierced through the air as a small body collided with the man opposite of him, stalling him in his movement and yet not rattling him. "Tony!" Howard rasped, surprise and panic rising up inside of him as he watched his little five year old son trying to keep the other man at bay, failing miserably but not giving up.

In a flash the pale fingers of the intruder curled around the thin neck of the little boy, not squeezing but applying enough pressure to let the intent be known, ceasing Tony's movements. "How dare you, you lowly mortal. I'm a God! No one tries to attack me and gets away with his life." The hissed words were only met with a defiant look from the boy's brown orbs.

"Gods don't exist. They are a figment of people's minds to explain what they cannot grasp." The high voice carried no fear, neither for the other man, nor what he could do to him.

Howard could not stand to watch this. Sure, he had raised, or partly raised, his son to not be scared easily and to speak his mind. It was a necessary thing to be done if he would one day take over Stark Industries, developing weapons himself, but he never would have expected it to lead to his death.

Instead of breaking the small neck with a flick of his wrist, the other man just smiled, clearly amused and intrigued by the five year old. "So you must be his son, Tony Stark." he asked, raising his eyebrow as the other just continued to stare at him "Anthony for you." the young voice growled, sounding more like a kitten than a lion.

"Anthony…" the tall man mumbled.

Howard did not like this. Not only how the man still would not let go of his son's neck but also the flicker of interest that had arisen in those green eyes. Even though it replaced the anger and desire of killing that had clearly crossed his face earlier, it spoke of dark and malicious intent.

"Are you a smart boy, Anthony?" the man purred, slowly easing the grip on his neck. When the boy did not make a move to draw away he let go altogether, studying him closely.

It was obvious to anyone that it was the right question to ask when Tony's eyes began to shine and the small body was puffing up. "Of course! I already built my own circuit board and I'm working on my first own engine!"

"Is that so…" the man mumbled, clearly fascinated and a calculating look in his eyes.

"I have a deal for you Howard Stark."

The voice once again addressing him ripped him out of his thoughts and he knew instantly that it was not going to be a deal, but a take and accept situation that he was facing.

Knowing that he had his attention the black haired man continued. "You may keep the Tesseract, your life and that of your family, thereby possibly saving countless other mortals. In exchange I will gain… an insight… into your son's mind."

As he had expected… It was not a deal the man was proposing but an ultimatum. If he did not accept the deal he would not only kill his whole family but take the Tesseract anyways.

But something inside of him craved the Tesseract, wanted to possess it and use it.

Surely just accepting would be the right decision for everyone?

What could the 'god' possibly find in Tony's mind that could be of any value? He was only five after all. He did not want to imagine what he could do with the power of the blue cube.

By accepting, he would save the lives of millions, in exchange for only one person.

"Deal" the words had left his lips without him even realizing it.

A smile crept on the thin lips, unsettling him more than he let on. "You mortals are so predictable yet not unlike some of the gods I know, abandoning your child so easily in exchange for power."

Howard swallowed, but the lump in his throat could not be dismissed so easily, his eyes never leaving the man as he raised his staff, bringing the tip closer to Tony's heavily breathing chest.

He could not do it. Could not look into his son's eyes, knowing that he would find only anger and betrayal staring back at him.

It was over in a blink of an eye as the blue light from the staff's core travelled to the tip and seemed to be absorbed by Tony's small body, drawing a sigh from his young lips.

Relieve passed through him like a gush of warmth as he saw his son unharmed only to turn his insides cold when he saw he saw his eyes. The brown orbs, the same as Maria's, had turned an abnormal shade of light blue that made him shudder when they fixed on him. "What have you done…?"

His despair was only met with a cool smile as the man put his hand on his son's shoulder. "I have done what we agreed on. I gained myself a permanent insight into your son's mind. You would probably call it… control. But as you were so eager to agree I focused more on my interpretation of it." He gave the small shoulder a gentle tap, sending Tony back to his father. "Don't worry; you will hardly notice any difference, considering how much you have taken part in his life up until now."

He took a step backwards "Another piece of advice, human. Never make a deal with the God of Lies. You will always come short. But it is too late for that, isn't it?" he grinned and just like that he disappeared, leaving distrust and fear behind that would slowly but surely destroy the Stark family.


	2. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, an interlude from Howard's point of view.

Truth was, at first Howard didn't notice anything different on his son, Tony. His voice, his behavior, even simple things like his preference in food was still the same.

Sometimes Howard liked to think that everything that happened that night had been nothing but a bad dream, were it not for those blue eyes… Those unnerving blue eyes that always seemed to follow him in his sleep.

When Maria had seen her son after that fateful night she had cried. Big wet tears rolling down her perfect cheeks as she hugged the small body closer to her, sobs wrecking her body while Tony asked what was wrong with her.

It hurt Howard to see his wife come undone like that; it hurt how she wouldn't look at him after he had told her some made up story about Anthony accidentally touching some genetically modifying substance while he had been in his lab. Because the truth is, Howard was sure that the truth would destroy her.

After a while, life continued as normal. If Howard spent more and more time away from home, no one would mention it. Conversations with his wife and nights together shared in one bed had become less and then ceased to exist, they simply ignored it. When people gave Tony strange looks and started asking questions they simply locked him away on social functions.

And for a short period of time it worked. But slowly their little bubble began to crumble and the changes in Tony became prominent to those that cared to look.

It started with a simple fight between Tony and another child at the private school. The teacher's hands were shaking as she told them that the other child had to be hospitalized. She asked why they didn't mention that Tony had such strength to be able to seriously injure a child five years older than him.

When they asked Tony why he had done it his response had been "fun" and the innocent smile on his lips turned cruel.

Maria wouldn't leave her room for two days and when sobs and cries of "This isn't my child!" and "Give me my Anthony back" penetrated the door, then no one mentioned it either.

Tony was a child that ripped out the wings of butterflies to slowly watch them die and all the hope in Howard, that Tony was still his little son, started to die like those winged creatures.

To outsiders the situation seemed to improve as Tony grew older, which also could've attributed to the fact that he started MIT at fifteen and therefore left the Stark home behind. And while he wasn't as openly hostile and brutal, he turned much more sinister, narcissistic and self-destructive.

The amount of money Howard had to donate to the MIT so that his son's scandals wouldn't become public made his head hurt and his gut clench.

Even though the regret of what he had done, the deal he had made, still accompanied him wherever he went and kept him awake at night, it was slowly overshadowed by hate. This boy, man, wasn't his son. It was someone else in Tony's body so how could he continue to love him? This empty body, this shell with blue eyes that saw everything, served only as a constant warning and added to the painful memories that he had made with his one mistake. He hated it, hated what his son had become, wanted to get rid of it and forget it. And yet, he was scared of his own thoughts, of what he would do…

So it came with great relief when in 1991 Howard Stark saw the truck coming closer, unable to stop, and he knew he was going to die.


	3. Iron Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

When he looks back, the first thing Tony can remember is him being around five years old. He remembers that he had to strain his neck to be able to look up at the pale man with black hair and green eyes. He remembers the man smiling at him before touching his chest and the deep voice in his head breathing "good boy". He remembers, because he has dreamed of him countless times, the green eyes haunting his dreams and the voice whispering to him day and night.

When he had still been a child the voice had scared him and he had tried to find comfort with his parents but the soft fingers of his mother carding through his hair didn't feel right and made his skin crawl.

So he spent the sleepless nights hiding under his duvet, singing to himself in order to drown the whispered words but not succeeding. It was soon after, that his mother would turn away from him, her eyes watching him full of distrust and sadness when she thought he wasn't looking.

But he noticed.

He noticed each look and heard each word his parents furiously whispered to each other behind closed doors while Tony was standing outside on the cold tiles, his little toes going numb. His fingers would clutch the door jamb and tears prickled in his bright blue eyes as he heard the words of hatred from his father's lips and the silent crying of his mother.

And the whispers that had at first scared him, turned into words of comfort. Telling him that he was a good boy and that he was loved; that his blue eyes were beautiful and that anyone saying different was wrong and deserved to be punished for their words.

So when the taunting at school started he knew what he had to do and the whispered words praising him as his little fists were slowly painted red were getting louder. After that day no one had asked or spoken of his blue eyes again and as the other children stayed away from him, the dark haired man in his dreams became his friend and his whispered words became his thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was at MIT that he made his first mistake and his world began to change.

He couldn't quite remember her name but she'd had blonde hair and gentle hands, and she was the first girl that didn't feel creeped out by the color of his eyes. It was also the first time that he had gone against the voice that was telling him that she wasn't worthy of him and that Tony didn't need her.

When they had lain together, his head strangely silent, he had asked her if the sex also drowned out the voice inside her mind.

That day he had learned that he was different; that it wasn't normal to have 'a voice' and that you should never tell.

He had never seen her again and the whispers that used to be a source of comfort turned into a source of fear.

He had tried to flee; used sex, alcohol and drugs to get away and it did help in escaping the voice, but all things good also have a dark side.

He remembers waking up with blood on his hands and a gun on the table and even his sobs and screams couldn't drown the whispered words that spoke to him, tempted him and urged him to just let go.

And when the news of his parents' death reached him, he did.

The only thing left were glimpses, the world drowned by the dark crooning in his mind and the gentle touch of pale fingers in his dreams that made his skin itch but felt so familiar...

He saw himself developing some of the greatest inventions, weapons of terror and mass destruction, but he couldn't get himself to care. He was cocooned in swirls of black and green, held by pale arms and lulled by words of comfort, and no one outside knew the wiser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the heat, screams, explosions and searing pain that make his dreams come to an end, ripping him from that gentle hold and pulling him up from the deepest darkest corner of his mind to the surface.

Pain, pain, loud voices and bright light. Dark shapes standing around him forcing his face towards something, a camera, speaking in words he can't understand, or can't remember? And then, nothing but blackness again.

The second time he's pulled back, the world is darker and the air tastes cold and earthy but the pain remains.

His eyes dart around, seeing but not processing. Something... He can feel something is inside of him. His hands (how long had he not used them?) touch, pull at the small tube running through his throat. He needs to get it out, needs to find the source of the pain, needs to make it go away.

The cold air makes his lungs ache and he can't suppress the coughs wracking his body, sending jolts of pain through his ribcage.

Water… His hands reach to his side, knocking over the cup sitting there. It had been too long… He tries to lean forward, tries to reach the cup, tries to properly move his fingers again, only to feel the pain in his chest increasing as he is pulled back.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A voice. A voice? Why was it coming from outside of him? Who was it? Who was that man?

His hands reach for the thing pulling him back, grasp at the cables running from the battery to his chest and he feels the panic rising up inside of him.

His eyes are unfocused as he realizes, not that he has an electromagnet buried in his body, but that the first time since he can remember, his mind is empty and the voice is silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter will cover the time until the 'Avengers' moment in the Stark Tower, when Tony and Loki meet for the first time! Please review if you like what you're reading!


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